the new masculine
the roots of new york have intertwined around me,
and now I feel it nurturing me with its beauty and chaos.
as a result, I see every aspect of my life has altered.
the days I now live have different interests.
my ears crave trap and drill,
my eyes crave raptors and knicks games
stronger at my own game, I tripled the bodies
still using the same substances
the asian flush hits, but I still socially drink
cautious around the grass because I’m afraid of losing control.
as a result, it reflects how I have mentally altered.
an ego higher than a skyscraper, but I hear no canary for self destruction
as it no longer manifests towards insecurity
if it happens to, I now know how to correctly detect its forthcoming
and will correct myself.
a drive I haven’t felt before, my new workaholic schedule
no longer asking if I can accomplish, to knowing I will accomplish
the mindset has allowed me to conquer more than I could have ever imagined
as a result, my work has become competitive, eyeing to outdo the art of my peers.
as a result, can be seen through how I have physically altered.
mass gained and also a new stubble
the fits have become avant garde, receiving looks when I walk the street
yet I no longer feel shameful
that new life has invited new people,
which has grown to being surrounded by new love and a new family
who have both supported and influenced the metamorphosis
I gave up holding the camera for others, so I could insert myself into the moment along with them.
at the same time, I am also not afraid to challenge them
after spending my life fighting my own heart-rate, my social anxiety has finally ceased.
but most importantly, I’m no longer afraid of attachment or abandonment
which has allowed me to also cut off.
now I contrast that with my past self, before new york, or even at the start of the new year,
the comfort mac miller-listener who abstained from substances
so terrified of my own ego, reflected so much because he possessed self-doubt
hair so long because he had too much attachment
was fearful of judgment and hatred of others
because he thought that judgment was a reflection of himself
I’ve broken my own stereotypes, and have altered into someone new.
and now that I’m home, I see new york’s nutrients still radiating in me.
yet, again, I still feel disorientation
the environment and the ecosystem back in at home is adjusted to my past-self
so I question if I should interact with the past-self’s world in the present-self’s body.
but I feel I can still possess the power I have been given and bring it back home
perceiving the world now in a new angle of confidence and strength.
it’s a new slate.
instead of chasing the same happiness I achieved years ago,
I chose another route to search
finally finding a sense of peak happiness again, just with another direction.
