ecosystem

when I reflect on the people from home,

I see myself conflicted if I should revisit.

back then, I was fearful conversing with them.

stuttered and held back, did too much because I wanted to be incorporated

I interpreted their judgement as a evaluation of myself

and because I was so judgmental of myself, I thought they were critical of me

as a result, I gave them mixed signals and pushed them away inevitably

because I departed on that note,

arriving back, I initially felt my chapter was closed with them.

however, now that I have found a sense of self, and also its sustainability,

its power has given me a sense of neutrality and confidence

as a result, I am open to revisiting home again.

if they accept or deny, either way I’m at peace

I feel I finally pass my own judgment,

therefore I no longer have to evaluate myself on theirs

and if the new sense of self is still at conflict, then maybe I am to keep moving forward.