mom and dad

dear mom,

we haven’t talked for several months now.

I’m scared of saying words to you,

And that’s because I’m scared of how you’ll react.

Which is why I prefer being in a two story house in the suburbs away.

I’m scared if I grew faster than you wanted,

even though you don’t know half of it

But I promise I’ve found my way, or at least making through

I wish that you will find love with the world

Peace is not something I can guide you to, but I hope you capture it

Maybe one day you’ll learn to accept, and not judge,

and find beauty in what surrounds you

It seems everyday I hear yelling from downstairs,

dear dad,

you’re trying your best to be a good dad right now,

and I thank you for it.

our relationship will not always be I have ever wanted or dreamed,

but I’m thankful that there’s at least this

we still stay silent in the car,

and I always respond with only few words

I hope there’ll be a day where you stop stressing about mom when we have dinner

or I have to hear you talking about her over the phone while I’m locked in my bedroom

you never open up what’s in your mind,

but I hope you’re doing okay under everything.

I don’t know I’ll ever make you proud, or if I’ll be truly loved by you,

but I hope you at least understand everything.

to the both of you,

I hope you stop fighting.

whatever it be, a love to find with each other or a separation,

I just wish I didn’t have to hear yelling downstairs again.

I’m not here to be won by one of you, and I hope you both realize that soon,

I just hope you two find happiness.

I know I’m not entirely the child you wanted, far different from my sister,

but I’m striving to be okay and find myself as well.