shit on my mind that I can’t tell to anyone

recently, and without bullshit, I haven’t been okay.

feeling alone, no one to reach out to without feeling like a liability.

clawing my own soul out to search for the smallest piece of happiness

fabricated and artificial, I’m losing myself slowly.

I’ve been waking up tired and unhappy again

mentally anxious when people speak,

my heartbeat enflamed, uncaged, and uncared for

having the sick feeling again and again until I can lie to myself that I’m happy.

don’t listen. it’s just another maniac episode.

but at the same time, it’s not, and I’m just gaslighting myself.

this is the cycle going over and over.

the voices, both of them, constantly argue and argue if I’m truthful or lying.

recently, I’ve been seeing all dead ends to my life.

possibly from my own doing, and it’s okay if it’s penance. I’d just like to know.

if I feel abandoned, I should abandon myself.