for you - the things I can’t say

I’m scared you don’t look at me the way I’ve looked at you for so long

I always felt you were my universe, and I would’ve gone through anything for you

And I wish I still could’ve gave you everything

Just for the slight chance of you showing something back

Your acceptance, your approval, your appreciation

I’m scared you’ll only call my name when you need to use me,

the way the other people I’ve labeled as my best friends have

I don’t know if you’re toxic or not anymore,

and if constantly dragging myself for you is worth it

I’m so fazed by my feelings and what I want from us

I would’ve done anything to change myself to fit better for you- I still would

I’ve always been told by you that I could talk to you whenever I could

and you’d be there

But now I feel numb when I hear my phone ringing you

Because I know you won’t answer

I’m still waiting for you to reach out to me

Because I’m scared to reach out to you

It’s been too long.

If you want to forget about me then that’s okay

I really didn’t believe I was worth your time nor worthy of you, genuinely

I’m scared the reason you’ve left me is because you’ve seen me as a monster

I don’t blame you if you do.

I’m drowning.

I’ll be gone soon.