someday

I’ll be okay after going to therapy

I’ll connect with god, culture, and music again like in my youth

but now under my own discipline, instead of fear’s motivation

I’ll get out the house more and celebrate my youth

instead of rotting away inside because I feel guilty about not doing work

I’ll be patient and realize my career isn’t fleeing me

art embodies who I am, and it could never abandon me

still, my artistry will flourish beyond my reckoning

I’ll fall in love with my friends

instead of considering them family from distance,

in fear I’ll lean codependently

I’ll go on yet another first date

though currently I desperately need this romantic solitude

you can’t love someone else before loving yourself.

I’ll find the valor to tell my parents about it all

and realize that their love still endures, even if I’m vulnerable

I’ll forgive myself and rid the guilt of all the awful things

and be reborn by God’s blessing

I’ll finally cleanse the trauma of my youth

that I thought I scoured but I really just buried

I’ll cease this ideation in my head that’s roamed since I was 11

finally being free of my noose for the rest of my life.