introduction to self destruction

This next part is going to take some bravery to discuss about.

I came home stressed more than ever,

After you proudly boasting about spreading secrets I told you

And then to refusing to share on what other people have been telling me

Some that I have never even talked to before

But to purposely harm me and my mental health is unacceptable,

as you were well aware of the social anxiety I’ve been facing these past few months

Socially, I have lost myself

My mind has been too anxious about what others say,

The server, the theater, and everywhere else

What I prefer and a girl I love

And sometimes, ridiculing me.

And so I second guess what I actually makes me happy to appease them

Scared if friends are truly friends

Let alone if I could reach out to them

Good news is what they want to hear

That results in attempting to put on a different mask for each different crowd.

Please keep my name out of your mouth.

Self doubt has always been the issue

The issue isn’t more or less focused on the opinions,

But the validity of their perspectives

It leads me to question myself and what I really mean

If they are wrong, then I’m truly a good person and can believe in myself

But if they are right, I’m the villain I was always scared of becoming

Then I question if I do, or if I really should, love myself.

The pillars of confidence crumble, and so I’m left ruins of who I used to be

And so, I keep reminiscing on who I used to be

and wonder why I can’t have that back again.

I think I just need someone to say they love me

And no, I’m not complaining or at my lowest,

I’ve been happier than ever, finally getting to heal and feel again

Something I’ve been desired for so long until I finally cried

There’s memories beyond my eyesight, and I’m excited for them to come

But for now, I just need a break.

I love you, and stay safe for me

I’ll see you in a few days.