Arachne’s Metamorphosis- an update on myself (writing version)

the smoke I put in my mouth taste like your lips.

I’ve been driving without you,

Something I never thought I could do.

I see the damned trees go, leave, and go again,

They reflect onto my eyes, breathing with me.

We’re going 90 in a 40 while the traffic lights blind us

I feel myself float as we go over the hills.

It’s okay if we crash. At least I can say I felt alive before I died.

The pacing now is only fast as my heartbeat allows.

How long does it take to distract myself before everything ceases?

Sometimes I stare at the swimming pool,

As I see the red abyss projecting from below.

The demons are still temporary.

The mist will soon fade away from the harsh burns of the light.

Maybe I’m ready to come back.

But if I do, what happens to the life around me?

If the marble finally crumbles on top of my spine,

What do I do?

I can let it suffocate me until I give my last breath.

I know I wouldn’t have anywhere to go if I somehow set myself free.

Two paths are laid in front of me.

A life of drugs, alcohol, and sex

One I’ve known during my darkest hours

Or a life that supposedly promises peace and growth

One I’m still struggling to travel through.

Two lenses disguised as happiness.